When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
