Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
