he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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