she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
