I heard we made out
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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