Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
i think im in europe. pls send help
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
