your parents love me but you hate me
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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