your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
