The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Randomize
