ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
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