I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
