At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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