i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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