What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
literally had 100 drinks last night.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
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