yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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