tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I think my vagina is haunted
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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