I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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