I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
you would pick up someone in the library
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
