she told me i tasted like america
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
