After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
