I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
