Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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