Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
MIDGETS
????
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
