i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
