It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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