Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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