Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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