I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
