quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
