so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
