38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize