i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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