My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
