Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
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