i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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