apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
