I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
