he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
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Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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