Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
where does the pee come out of this thing
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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