i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.