halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
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This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
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I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise