Sry I called you an 8
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
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I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"