The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
