he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
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