They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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