Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize