Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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