some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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