that's an acceptable place to lick
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
