pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
