i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
