We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
