the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
How external is "for external use only"?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
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