when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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