I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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