Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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