Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
