erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
