something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
