What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
