I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Randomize
