How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
