Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Randomize
