Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Randomize
