I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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