he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
