the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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